I guess I should probably write more on here. Once a year seems weird, but I'm not that great at remembering to do this. A lot has happened over the past year. I don't really feel like sharing. It was all very painful and I'm glad I made it through. One point that I should make is that I am now divorced. Not that anyone reads this, so I guess it doesn't matter. Except to me. Blah blah blah.

I feel really lost right now. A lot of changes going on. Moving to John and Marte's again. My mom flaked out on me.....again. I was supposed to live with her so I could go to school. I called dad and revised my plan so I'm working this summer and should be able to be on my own and back in school by the end of the summer. Nothing is going to stop me from going to school. I've given up way too much to do this, some of which I regret, but I think I'd regret it more if I didn't complete it.

I miss having a home. Or a place that feels like one. I miss cuddling. I miss feeling like everything would be okay. Or just hearing it. I really miss those things.

For now I'm going to keep going, and try to look forward to when I will have those things again. If I will. No, I think it's better if I say when. At least there's something I can work towards if I say "when".

I hope I'll be okay. Does anyone get this at all?

Anyone?

New Job, and soon...Built To Spill!!!

So I started my new job about a month ago. I really like it. And I'm great at it. It's my first "real" job, so I'm very excited. I have to get up at 4:00am to get ready, then I catch the bus, which I really do like. There are so many people here that do take it, it's much safer than anywhere else. I'm working on a place still. I've kind of been bouncing around, but should be a little more settled by the begining of December.

I haven't been doing too much of anything else, but working, lately. I went to see Yo La Tengo about a month ago, and they were soooo great. This month I'm going to see Built To Spill on the 20th. The last, and only other time, I've seen them was in Florida a few years ago, so I'm excited.

Rain keeps falling. It's weird. Not the rain, but the sunlight. When I leave for work it's dark, when I get out of work (5:00) it's dark already. It's like living in some strange move, or tv show. You know, how the always show people in one room or another, never outside. It's like daytime almost doesn't exist here. I don't know, I kind of like the dark clouds. The grey skies. Everything looks shiny all wet, and there's a certain intimacy that people share when they're huddled under an alcove, smoking, but trying to stay dry.

So Seattle, it still is. And so am I.

Revelations of Validation....and my Weekend

Stayed at my sister Katherine's Saturday and Sunday nights. We went to an evening of one acts at Shoreline Community College, Saturday. Katherine's friends Jeremy and Nick were actors and writers for one of them. Actually Jeremy was acting in the one act that Nick wrote. Confusing enough? It was fun. We went to the cast party afterwards....it was the last night the show was playing. I enjoyed myself.

Today I slept in and went for coffee later. Then I came home to work on one of my books for a bit. I'm making great progress. Got bored writing, so I drew for a while.

Last night I saw "The Davinci Code". The book was better. Then I went down to where the ferry docks in Edmonds and watched the water. I thought about how each moment of our lives is so unique and fleeting. I thought about how art- in all forms- is someone conveying a feeling or thought or experience that was special to them, so that it's never forgotten...it is shared. I sat listening to the water, watching the shiny pebbles that make up the beaches here as the dark water covered them in the inky black reflection of the sky, only to retreat a second before I was ready to give up all hope of seeing them again. Just in time.

I thought about how powerful art is. Or rather the artist....both actually, because they immortalize a slice of time, an emotion, so that all these experiences, all the pain and joy of our lives isn't in vain. So that these moments are not forgotten, not erased by time.

This thought was strangely validating. It's not all in vain. The pain, the love, the loss. It does matter. It does mean something. It's NOT all for nothing.

And Me?

I try to keep my goals in sight. Listen to music. Paint. Think of ideas for shorts to film with my 8mm. Still sad, but writing helps. Not sure if I'm ready to go out and meet the world, but I'm doing it anyway. I really don't want to date anyone, so I'm not. I'll just stand on the edge watching. Eventually I'll join in.

Bay Area Renaissance Festival

So this year I got to "work" at the Festival with my best friend Tricia. It was awesome. At first i was really scared of all the D&D playing weirdos......but them I realised that they don't bite, hard. Anyway, here are the pics, I'll add more later.

Welcome to the Bay Area Ren. F...... 

World famous tights vendor....Elvenworks Designs. Famous legwear, infamous service girls. I mean personal shoppers...er assistants. 

My best friend Tricia and her mom Fey have a tights booth at festival....hence i got to go and play and um.....work? 

Trish infront of THE booth. 

Another happy customer from Tricia and Fey's booth. 

Minstrel. 

My favorite cabin boy and urchin. 

The hat. 

Mudshow anyone? 

My friend Kacy kicking butt at human chess match. 

Nice bloomers! 

Tyler rat pucking. 

Essentials for rat pucking. 

Kim had the hair wrap booth next to us and was so much fun. 

Kimmy's angel of a daughter. 

Half of my favorite juggling duo, Dan. 

The other half, AJ. 

Will getting ready to throw down. 

Jouster. 

The End 

Seattle February 2005

So I finally got my pics together from my trip to Seattle earlier this year. I went to visit my mom, sister, grandmother and aunt and uncle. It was a blast...here are the pics.

Goodbye Seattle! 

KEEP OFF ROOF! 

My cousinn Keegan with Grandma. 

HERE!